ently. I sometimes sat literally in a cold sweat.

When I was in my middle twenties I met a young man to whom I took an instant liking. I immediately felt that he accepted and understood me more than anyone I had ever known. It wasn't long until I realized that I loved him. It was not the frenetic infatuation that I had often felt for other men (who never knew my feelings) but a quiet, patient love. In our numerous conversations we often discussed homosexuality, and I began to realize that although he did not hold homosexuals in contempt, he was not homosexual himself. It never occurred to me that he might be bisexual.

It became necessary for me to move away from home for business reasons and to live in the city. But it was impossible for me to pay the high city rent on my own. I told my friend this and to my surprise and pleasure he told me that he also intended to move to the city since his place of business. was changing its location. We arranged to share our rooms and expenses. It was purely an arrangement of convenience.

After we had been living together for a short while I saw that there was reason to hope that his feelings for me were more than just friendly. But I dared not reveal my feelings for him or my desire to share myself fully with him. I was afraid that I might be misleading myself with wishful thinking. Suppose I made an advance to him? No, I could not bear to be rejected. So I remained silent.

One night we went to a party together. My friend became rather affectionate toward a young lady present. My jealousy surprised me. It caught me off base, and I was hardly able to conceal it. No one knew what caused my sudden change in mood, but he understood.

A few nights later he found the courage that I had been unable to

one

muster. He simply put his hand in mine and said those words which I will never forget and which are the most personal of my life. We became lovers. That electric glow has never been quite lost between us even after the time we have spent together.

I have found peace the capacity to be comfortable in life. I no longer feel forced to assume a shape and attitude which is not mine although I do, naturally, feel the pressure of heterosexual social mores. I no longer suffer acute attacks of anxiety.

My friend and I have since had our problems and crises, our angry moments and petty squabbles now and then; but we are as happy as any two people can hope to be with each other. Our companionship is sounder than many heterosexual marriages. But even our problems have a direction and purpose. We are, as R. H. Crowther has said (December, 1956) "forging and bringing out from inner conditions of well-being and character" a sound basis for a constructive and creatively rewarding homosexual life. We are learning a life which, I hope, will someday give us the knowledge and experience to guide other homosexuals who wish to be themselves, find a life with a companion, and unburden themselves of doubts, fears and loneliness.

R. P.

WHILE IN EUROPE

In the center of mediaeval Bruges, Belgium, Princess Hotel and Restaurant, antiques and delightful atmosphere.

7 Korte Zilverstraat Tel. 370.94

18